July 1, 2020 ... what ride it has been.  I began working from home on March 13 ... and it is already July.  At first I was counting the weeks, but I've let that slide; they all seem to blur together.  It was a novelty, working from my study; I could get out of  bed at 8:25 and be at my computer by 8:30 (in my pajamas!)  All the jokes about my car getting a month to the gallon .. ha .. all the memes about the virus have started to get very stale and unfunny.  I'm tired of these words: 

COVID-19, coronavirus, flattening the curve (or in my case, FATTENING the curve!  I miss those stairs at the office!) facemasks, stay at home, front line (on which two of my children are working: grocery store and Starbucks), wash your hands, social distancing, PPP loans, CARES act ... quarantine, lockdown, hand sanitizer. 

In February, when it looked like there was a possibility we would be working at home, one of the attorneys for whom I work asked me about some type of software to put on their laptops.  She said, "If we are quarantined, we probably will need to have that".  I thought, at the time, "Really?  Quarantine?  I don't think so." That idea was so absurd and outside any wheelhouse of which I have ever been a part.  Denial is not just a river in Egypt. 

Word has it that people in countries that mandate the BCG vaccination (against tuberculosis) have generally seen smaller numbers of COVID.  (Footnote: It also has a fancy French name: Bacillus Calmette–Guérin). It's good to know that both daughters from Kazakhstan had the shot. (Of course, not verified by any science). Melanie was offered a 30 day LOA from Starbucks, but chose to stay on.  Knock on wood, she's been healthy the whole time.  Takes me back to the early days at home with her, when her TB test was positive, and she had to have a chest x-ray (ever seen how they x-ray babies?) and then a 9 month course of isoniazid.  I knew that she had antibodies that caused the positivity, but the health department had to err on the side of caution.  

My sister was very ill early in March, after a trip to Houston. Things broke out there right after her trip, and her illness had all the earmarks of COVID. She is looking at getting tested for antibodies.  Every time I have a slight cough or a headache, I wonder if "this is it".  

Some days I feel pretty good about things; counting my blessings.  I have a house, I have food to eat, I have a job and can pay the bills.  I am completely aware of how fortunate I am.  I grieve for those in the service industries, for those who can't pay the rent, who are out of a job, who are hopeless and have real fears for the future.  I wish I could open my house to everyone who is in trouble.  It is astounding and tragic what is happening to my country, to my world. This isn't just us Americans .. it's the entire planet.  My husband always said the end of the world would probably come in the form of a virus.  Don't think I haven't battled dark thoughts on a regular basis, probably like most of us.  

Other days I feel anxious and caged. My mom has had some health issues ... her 90 year old heart finally said, "I'm tired!  I can't go on any more!"  A trio of medications and a procedure have worked together to keep her ticker behaving, but my sister and I are at the precipice of losing our mother.  I don't mean to be morbid, but we all are going to die someday; it's not something you can avoid. On the way to the hospital the first time (there have been three admissions in a month) she was telling me who to give her stuff to.  Not now, mom, not now. 

On the bright side: my daughter Lisa got married!  Even in the middle of all "this".  The virus curve flattened just enough for her to have a small wedding in North Carolina, before it un-flattened again right afterwards. It was beyond emotional for me to see how she has blossomed into a beautiful woman.  How far she has come since 2001, when we crossed oceans to meet her and make her a part of our family.  She also graduated from college (such as it was .. no ceremony of course) and starts the new season of her life as a Mrs. They are still so very young and have a lot of life experience to face together, but I am confident they will be fine. Saying that I'm proud is a massive understatement. 

 

I've never seen two people more excited to be married!

Engagement party!

The next big event is Melanie's 18th birthday!  We are trying to find something special to do for her, but things look pretty dour.  Some day I want to take her back to Kazakhstan, and I always earmarked it for after she turned 18.  Not this year ... but she WILL be celebrated in some fashion or another.  

There have been many other difficult family issues that I won't hang out with the laundry for the world to see. Everything is magnified because of the virus and the current lockdown.  I am usually able to keep my depression demons at bay, but they seem to be more and more insistent on letting themselves in. It is a daily struggle to pull myself up by the proverbial boot straps, and put one foot in front of the other.  I know I'm not alone in this. I am an eternal optimist, on the whole, but "this" is a real life suck.  On the other hand, our four dogs think that everything is great!  Our people are here all the time!  Awesome. Ah, to live life like a dog.  To love unconditionally, and to be ecstatic and tail-wagging at the mere sound of the door opening and the people you adore walking in the door.  

It seems a lifetime since I was in the Philippines.  I shudder when I think about the virus knocking on the door while I was there. Mother Nature was like, "Volcano, shmolcano.  I'll show you a natural disaster!"  News from Manila paints a dark picture of containing the virus there; the density of the city is a giant petri dish of transmission. The news is bad, bad, bad.

  

Bottom line ... My TCK barkada has been able to stay connected through social media; we look at pictures from January, and marvel at how long ago that seems. Every post or reach-out by one of my friends is a tiny beacon of hope.  It's good to know our third culture is robust and connected. We are all so different, but so much the same. It is comforting to have a "place" where we belong, belonging being something that was so elusive to us when we were young.