This is as hard as anything I have ever had the misfortune of enduring in my entire life. People on the listserve are getting travel dates right and left. Every day there is a new post, cheerfully chirping, "We have dates!" but all I can feel is empty, like some BMOC* is having a big party and we weren't invited. Like banging my head on a brick wall, I find myself calling our coordinator in Texas way too often to weep and wail, as if by calling her I could will our dates into reality. I told myself David and I would vie for the "patient-est clients of the year" award, but I'm afraid I have to drop out of the race. I have tried to be philosophical; I have seen the benefit of our being here for everyone to start back to school. Everyone is fine now ... settled and happy (for the most part ... not particularly happy about the homework load!). I have shopped for gifts, clothes and such for Melanie, and for us. What more is there to do? I rearranged the girls' room ... it's ready and waiting. I have cleared clutter out of our room, so David's parents will imagine that I am a really good housekeeper (boy do I have them snowed!) We have our cash waiting patiently in a vault for us at the bank. (We have to take brand-new bills, no marks or wrinkles, and no, it doesn't fill up a briefcase that we have to attach to our wrists with handcuffs. Kazakhstan is mostly a cash economy, although they are moving into the 21st century at warp speed.)
If one more person asks me, "Have you heard anything yet?" I may be forced to yank out their eyeballs. I know it's only curiosity and I appreciate their concern. I genuinely do. But deep down inside me there is this desire to maim and torture. You know. But of course I only smile and shrug.
I told some girlfriends that I would go away with them this weekend if we hadn't heard about our travel dates yet. And I told them to bring lots of wine and kleenex. Let's hope they will be able to save their money.
*Big Man on Campus
